Top ten infomercials

(Credit: shamwow.com)

Infomercials get a bad rap, but they're really like itty-bitty movies. They've got a crisis ("I'm too fat!" or "My knives are dull!" or "My shammy is insufficiently absorbent!"), a climax (usually accompanied by ooohs, aaahs and canned applause from a nonexistent studio audience) and a resolution ("Thank you, Thighmaster!"). They've got all the glitz and glam of Hollywood, plus a creepy vibe from someone trying to convince you to buy a personal dehydrator.

We've gathered up the craziest, strangest and most illogical infomercials from the past couple of decades. From exercise equipment to culinary swag, our list of the best infomercials this side of 3:30 a.m. will make you want to pick up the phone and dial for your very own Snuggie, Miracle Blade or [gulp] Tiddy Bear.

10. Tiddy Bear
The genuises who came up with the name for this product probably had no idea that the chest-hugging, neon orange bear would become such a phenonenon. What are we saying—of course they did! Breasts and bears are always a winning combination in our book.

9. Miracle Blade III
Oh, Chef Tony, how did you know we've always wanted to slice through a pineapple in mid-air? 

8. Time Life Classic Soft Rock
What do the members of soft rock band Air Supply do in their free time? Jam on acoustic guitar, drink some lemonade and talk about the golden era of soft rock.

7. ShamWow!
Proof that dreams can come true on a low budget. No fancy studio room, no rocking music—just Vince with his microphone-headset and bug eyes. We'll take ten!

6. Thighmaster
The Thighmaster needs no introduction. Suzanne Somers and her shapely legs are forever etched into our fondest memories of the earlier '90s.

5. Tony Little's Gazelle
"America's Personal Trainer" (his nickname, not ours) teamed up with WWF's "The Genius" to tell everybody out there how manly the Gazelle can be.

4. Slap Chop
Vince (he's back!) dishes out so many gems of wisdom in this commercial, it should be an educational video shown in classrooms. Our personal fave? "Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life."

3. Flavorwave
Mr. T's poetic intro for the Flavorwave oven elevates this informercial to a completely new level. Most mothers looking for a quicker way to prepare their lasagna are probably thinking, "Oh, Mr. T loves the Flavorwave? Then I want one too!"

2. Snuggie
Blankets are dangerous. Your arms can get trapped, and sometimes your feet get cold. Thanks to the Snuggie, all of that changes, and if you ever decide to become a monk, you're good to go on wardrobe.

1. The Magic Bullet
Number one—with a Bullet! This infomercial has it all: a totally unnecessary kitchen gadget, a ridiculous, painfully scripted demonstration and, of course, a British guy extolling the product in loose-fitting pastels. Why all these people live in this fake kitchen in a TV studio, we're not sure, but at least they get to have yummy smoothies and fresh ground coffee when they roll out of their imaginary beds.