A guy walks into a bar: The Red Dragon

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The look: The Red Dragon has been around for so long that it’s easy to drive by on Lyndale and not even notice it. The exterior is pretty unextraordinary with a simple sign and some small stained-glass windows that don’t allow a view into the restaurant. In a sense, the exterior resists outside notice. The theme of privacy extends inside where none of the windows look out onto Lyndale. There is a particular sense of privacy and secrecy into the Red Dragon. That’s not to say, exactly, that it’s a dark, damp hovel, but the scene at the Red Dragon keeps to itself (at least until the patrons leave). The décor is a little worse-for-wear, but otherwise pretty tasteful. There are charming stained glass lights on the wall and even a ceiling installment of stained glass in the bar. The wallpaper has scenes from classic Chinese screen art, cranes and intricate patterns that surround simple booths. The layout is simple, designed to accommodate as quantity more than quality, but it’s not shabby.

The crowd: On a hectic Sunday night before Memorial Day, when many people have an unaccustomed day off, the Red Dragon was brimming with a mix of the hardcore Sunday night industry bunch and a ragtag group of weekend warriors taking advantage of an extra night. Per usual, there was a little drama and much shenanigans on a Sunday before a holiday and the bartender was admirably mediating between the too-drunk and the unsuspecting innocent drinkers.

The drinks: I hadn’t been to the Red Dragon in over five years. When I told my friends that “The Dragon” was my latest assignment and invited them to join me they all winced and expressed hesitation, to say the least. Not that they wouldn’t go there, but the place is notorious for strong drinks and ensuing belligerent behavior. To wit, my one and only other experience there ended with a good friend of mine and me inflaming a negligent run-in with a careless driver into what almost turned to fisticuffs. Yikes! The place has a neighborhood identity as THE bar to go to for strong drinks that is supported by their extensive list of shots that most bars will only serve grudgingly.

The essential cocktail, and the instigator of most of the notorious behavior at the Red Dragon, is the “Wondrous Punch.” A friend and favorite co-worker of mine refers to this potent conconction as the “Surly Punch” due to its ability to turn her into a slurring, crabby mess. The gentleman sitting next to me at the bar when I ordered mine told me that he calls it a “Wanderer’s Punch” because it tends to inspire pedestrian aimlessness. Needless to say, the “Wondrous Punch” has a reputation. The “Wondrous Punch” is a suicide blend of Bacardi dark, Bacardi light, Bacardi 151, and Meyers with grenadine and the Red Dragon all-purpose juice mix (sweet and sour, pineapple juice, and orange juice). Make no mistake about it, this drink is about the booze. Although it doesn’t hit your palate like a Manhattan, it tastes like booze, booze, booze, but somehow the juice mix manages to make it smooth and drinkable enough that it goes down easy and fast.

Despite the shenanigans all around me, I ended up in a very engaging conversation with my neighbor at the bar about the American dream, wealth and lifestyles. The “Wondrous Punch” had me chatty, but I was able to avoid debate. Nevertheless, I was digging the indulgent atmosphere and looking for a proper nightcap. I’m not really a rum drinker and, frankly, most of the cocktails at the Red Dragon are variations on the theme of the “Wondrous Punch,” so I was looking for something a little different. I chose the “Molly Ringwald,” a chic drink if ever there was one. A mixture of Stoli Raspberry, Raspberry Schnapps, pineapple juice, and coconut milk blended with ice the “Molly Ringwald” is pretty froofy, but also pretty tasty. It was nothing special, but it hit the spot without crossing my eyes and sending me off in to the night looking for someone to argue with.

The food: The Red Dragon has a menu pretty typical of a Chinese restaurant (although I appreciated that there was no General Tsao’s chicken). Again, nothing special, but if you need something to absorb copious amounts of rum, it’ll do.

The verdict: There is something sinister about a bar that serves very strong drinks and has no windows on a busy Minneapolis street. It seems to invite salacious behavior—and it does! But, from my hazy memories from years ago I expected something seedier and I didn’t find it. The staff was very friendly and the crowd was awfully drunk, but not abrasive. This is not a good date destination, nor would I go there with a group of friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. But, on a freewheelin’ night of barhopping, there is something perfect about suggesting, “Let’s go to The Dragon,” and having one last drink to put the night to rest(less abandon).

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